Archive | Xmas

How The Fight Started

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift…

The next year, I didn’t buy her a gift. When she asked me why, I replied, “Well, you still haven’t used the gift I bought you last year!

And that’s how the fight started …..

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Christmas Ain’t What It Used to Be

Some commentators talk about a “war on Christmas” waged by various people they dislike. We don’t think that “cultural elites,” whatever the heck they are, are really the threat to the traditional Christmas celebrations we should be worrying about. We think it’s high technology and, well, not so high technology that’s the real threat. Electric fireplaces, video yule logs and and auto-tuned carolers wielding laptops…it’s all a little scary to us.

The Old Santa

Is it Christmas if the video log isn’t keeping you warm? And what about the possibility of Santa being electrocuted by electric fireplaces? Yeah, he could be burned to death by a traditional one, but let’s get real here — Santa knows how to land just right in a raging fireplace. An electric one is likely to just throw off his game and put the old man in some real danger. This is serious, folks!

And then there’s the fact that Santa now has to cut expensive deals with Apple to make his own iPads and what not — all while persuading investigative reporters that his elves are provided with proper breaks, appropriate elf-sanitation, good work/elf-life balance, and sufficient pay (fortunately, elves need relatively small amounts of food to live on and houses and apartments at the North Pole are on the inexpensive side, even if the heating bills can be ruinous; worse for large apartments with electric fireplaces). Let’s face it, it ain’t easy to be a mythological being tasked with a one-night manufacturing and product delivery undertaking that has to be completed within the space of 24 hours. Santa’s overhead? You don’t even wanna know!

And let’s not even talk about the threat posed by the endless deliverability of Christmas media. There are entire radio stations — all streaming on the web — that devote themselves to Christmas music starting some time in early July so that by the time actual Christmas rolls around, the last thing any one wants on their iPod is Nat King Cole singing “Adeste Fideles” — it’s time for Lady Gaga and Celo singing about Xmas with R-rated lyrics. Yaargh!

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Which Neighbor Has The Best Looking Christmas Decorations?

Some get really into it, while others can’t be bothered.

Which Neighbor Has The Best Looking Christmas Decorations

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Tiger Woods Christmas Joke

If you didn’t hear about the 2010 Tiger Woods (the golfer) sex scandal, then you must have been living in a cave. Here’s a funny pic of Tiger with Santa last year Christmas.

Tiger Woods with Santa Claus - Christmas Joke

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Coors Light Christmas Tree

Only a REAL MAN would decorate his Christmas tree like this .. three cheers!

Coors Light Christmas Tree

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The Perfect Christmas Gift For Your Man This Year

Ladies, just about every heterosexual male wouldn’t mind having one of these new male remotes as a Christmas gift this year. Get him what he needs, get him this remote!

The Perfect Christmas Gift For Your Man This Year - Male Remote

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Beer Bottle Christmas Tree

The ultimate Christmas tree for the beer drinker … a Christmas tree layered completely with empty beer bottles. Now to make it child proof!

Beer Bottle Christmas Tree

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