He drives the car quite well during the day, but at night the car just won’t move at all.

He tries driving the car at night for over a week, but still no luck.

He then furiously calls the BMW dealership, who immediately send a technician to him.

The technician asks “Sir, are you sure you are using the right gears?”

Quite angered by this time, Santa replies “You dumb fool, how you could ask such a question, I’m not stupid! I use D for the Day and N for the Night.

Is it Christmas if the video log isn’t keeping you warm? And what about the possibility of Santa being electrocuted by electric fireplaces? Yeah, he could be burned to death by a traditional one, but let’s get real here — Santa knows how to land just right in a raging fireplace. An electric one is likely to just throw off his game and put the old man in some real danger. This is serious, folks!

And then there’s the fact that Santa now has to cut expensive deals with Apple to make his own iPads and what not — all while persuading investigative reporters that his elves are provided with proper breaks, appropriate elf-sanitation, good work/elf-life balance, and sufficient pay (fortunately, elves need relatively small amounts of food to live on and houses and apartments at the North Pole are on the inexpensive side, even if the heating bills can be ruinous; worse for large apartments with electric fireplaces). Let’s face it, it ain’t easy to be a mythological being tasked with a one-night manufacturing and product delivery undertaking that has to be completed within the space of 24 hours. Santa’s overhead? You don’t even wanna know!

And let’s not even talk about the threat posed by the endless deliverability of Christmas media. There are entire radio stations — all streaming on the web — that devote themselves to Christmas music starting some time in early July so that by the time actual Christmas rolls around, the last thing any one wants on their iPod is Nat King Cole singing “Adeste Fideles” — it’s time for Lady Gaga and Celo singing about Xmas with R-rated lyrics. Yaargh!